Posts Tagged ‘love’


Posted: January 26, 2012 in Social Etiquette
Tags: , ,

Isn’t love a beautiful thing? No, no it’s not. Ok, maybe that’s a little harsh but there is certainly a time and a place. Everyone has seen these public love fests ranging anywhere from simple hand holding to practically conceiving in the hallway. Is there anything more unnecessary than smothering your significant other against a wall at the mall? If you are really that in love that you can’t keep your hands off each other then don’t leave your house, we would all appreciate it.

On the surface it would seem there are innocent ways to show affection for someone in public. Hand holding seems cute and doesn’t really bother anyone right? This is true sometimes, but too many times you see an innocent hand hold escalate into something so much worse. It starts off innocent enough, but quickly you start feeling those giddy butterflies and it turns into a swinging hand hold, with everyone behind you ducking away from the pendulum of your entangled fingers. Next thing you know, your swaying away from your partner just so they can pull you back in. Sounds cute right? Not to the 39 other people in the hallway who now have to avoid the happy couple consuming 8 feet of hallway. A little hand holding is fine, just don’t let yourself get out of control. While we’re on the subject of walking, the whole hip holding movement needs to be stopped, I don’t know who started it or why but they need to be found and punished. Everyone knows you feel as awkward as you look walking that way, so stop.

How about public lap sitting? How often do you see that in your college library or even in a small restaurant? Does this even deserve a paragraph? No it doesn’t, you’re right.

Everyone loves seeing a little public groping right? What possess a person to try to get to second base in public? The only thing more appalling than someone even attempting this is someone else seemingly enjoying it. There is nothing that says “I want to be taken seriously” like letting your boyfriend feel you up in the hall, isn’t this the equivalent of not wanting guys to hit on you at a bar but wearing a skin tight dress? Listen, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the female body, it’s a beautiful thing, but when you do it in public you deserve to be slapped, hard.

Lastly we’ve come to public kissing. Obviously there are no issues with a little kiss goodbye, but let’s keep it reasonable. I’m thinking around 3 seconds as a max seems fair, and no tongue. A good rule of thumb for public kissing is to imagine your mom is watching, what would she say to you pressing your special someone against a wall and checking their tonsils? This isn’t the movies, that long romantic kiss isn’t adorable it’s gross and someone is probably tweeting about it as soon as they walk by you.

So please people, keep it in the bedroom, or any other private venue you choose, but not in he public forum. Nobody wants to maneuver around your bubble of emotion to get to where their going. People don’t think it’s cute; they want to spray you with cold water.